amanda marie

Secrets

2012-02-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

I feel so much fake internet pressure to write a blog post in 2012. The first one, I would whisper to myself in the glow of the computer screen, has to dazzle them.

After sifting through topics in my mind (Cats? Probably need to take it easy with cat-related Internet sharing. Food? But which picture of Taco Bell feasts I've enjoyed would I choose. Clothes? Nobody cares about your sequin shirt collection) I guess I'll just settle for sharing my secrets. People like that right? Really personal and uncomfortably awkward confessions to anonymous people across the Internet?

Okay so first, I watch New Girl like every week. I'm working on my Zooey look.

Nailed it.

Next, I am kind of into online poker.

See the discarded takeout boxes? See the pile of tissues? See the dim lighting to set the mood? That is what five hours of online poker with fake money looks like.

This feels good. So I'm going to end this post with a big one-- I am the inventor of the Butter Straw. It seriously sucks when you get popcorn at the movie theater and you only get 2-3 inches of solid butter congealed on top, right? Just stick a straw in there and pour to your hearts content.

Special thanks to Erica for hand modeling/inspiring this creation.

Special bonus photo of a food item I saw on a shelf and took a picture of:

Just some Instagrams, NBD

2011-10-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

So… you want a story? Sorry, I am seriously out of stories because rather than face my life I watch 90s teen dramas for hours at a time. Every night.

In attempt to kick start the writing part of my mind, though, I began brainstorming blog posts. This means copying other blog posts I’ve seen. What is more highly copied than the the instagram weekend post? NOTHING. I’ve taken some liberties here, i.e. this is isn’t actually an adorable collection from this weekend. It’s more like the past nine months and it’s not as endearing at all.

What what! Put your hands in the air, it’s about to get 2 cute 2 handle in here!

This is a heart made out of Chinese food. Professional bloggers, step aside.

I went to a concert and the whole time I took pictures of the lights. I'm really into music lately.

And then there was the time I birthed a baby deer at Bear World.

Even homeless people look better when you instagram them! (Please note: S.S. Hobo)

I don't even know who this cat belongs to! I found it in the hallway and trapped it in my house for awhile, don't mind the frightened look on it's face.

Grilled cheese with macaroni and cheese inside. I look at this when I eat pizza to feel healthy.

California Dreamin'

2011-09-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

California was beautiful. I miss it all the time. The weather, the ocean, the colors...the Panera Bread.

My parents helped me try to find/marry Ryan Gosling and fed me and let me visit every H&M. I highly recommend vacations with you parents.

let's bond over mutual hatred

2011-09-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

Do you have a Pinterest? Do you hate how every single person captions their pictures as a personal question? Then I have the blog for you:

http://unsolicitedpinterestadvice.tumblr.com/

Nobody judge me for being an internet bully. Or for making like 100 new Tumblrs a day. If someone ever heavily Google searched me they would find a blog devoted to a cat picture, a blog making fun of a fashion blogger, a blog about music circa 2006 and a married blog by Deven and I. Follow through is not my strong suit.

So Sentimental

2011-08-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

So this should really come as no surprise, but I got a goldfish. I can never stay away. It was won for me at a carnival last night and it has really caused me to re-evaluate how quickly I get attached to things.

Captain’s Log:

8/18/11

10:30 p.m.

Internal dialogue: That game where you throw ping pong balls in a jar looks fun. Oh, the prize is goldfish you say? Well, you know my weakness man without teeth.

10:31 p.m.

Me: The fish is mine!!!!!! All mine!!!!

Carnival worker: Would you like to buy a fish tank and food for $7?

Internal dialogue: What am I doing. Fish need a place to live. Fish need food. Fish need a weird amount of oxygen in their tank. Fish are needy. Abandon ship.

Me: I think…I…Have one at home.

Internal dialogue: LIAR.

10:40 p.m.

Internal dialogue: I’m just going to flush this fish when I get home.

11:50 p.m.

Internal dialogue: What was I thinking?? I love this fish! He is like a child to me! What if he dies? I’ll never love again. This fish is symbolic, this fish MEANS something to me.

8/19/11

The fish is currently residing in a plastic pitcher on my counter next to a fresh bottle of fish food purchased in the early hours of the morning.

WHYYYYYYYYYY.

Getting Stabby

2011-08-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

For work I wrote a blog about Kim Kardashian and linked it to our Facebook. The following is why I hate the internet:

Express your opinion, girlfriend, all I ask is that you please PLEASE stop with the unnecessary quotation marks.

Still, how can I hate something that brings me all of these treasures:

Parks and Recreation. Thanks to Netflix I will watch you every day until I die.

Trend Alert

2011-08-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

Hey, have you guys seen the latest trend?

Cell phone hands!! Okay. They’re not a thing yet and I actually found these photos on a fashion blog that called them a “don’t” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I get my hands on one (because then jokes like that never have to stop! Ever!)

Put a ring on it!

When are these hitting the Apple store? Because I'm single and I could really use a fake hand to hold.

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

2011-07-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

Business Time

2011-06-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

While browsing LinkedIn today, I noticed everyone has really professional portraits on their profiles. Always behind on the trends of the business world, I still have a little gray figure as my icon and clearly this makes me look really unprofessional.

The real question I have is how do you go about getting a photo like this of yourself?

Do you go to a studio and explain that you need some professional looking pictures? Is it required that you wear a pantsuit? Because I don't own one of those. The best I can do is a pencil skirt and a blazer that I got at a thrift store thinking I would totally wear it and I never did. Also, is it better to stare into the camera, challenging potential employers to find someone better than you at business things or to smile softly, letting your eyes convey that you're a team player? Because I've seen both and they are equally as powerful.

For poses, I was thinking of either having a newspaper tucked under my arm to convey that I graduated in journalism or holding up a keyboard next to my face to show that I understand new media. What do you think?

Bacon+Bears

2011-06-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

I'm really breaking months of blog silence to post a picture that was made possible by this site and this site.

Pie Hole

2011-04-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like a copycat with the photo/song format, but this is all that's rattling around in my head. Pizza and Cults.

Oh, and also I got excited when I saw a kitten in the clouds this morning while driving to work.

Yeah, enjoy

2011-04-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

If anyone were to track the things I Google on a daily basis…it would not be much weirder than anyone else's Google searches. Right?

A sampling of today's inquiries:

Bowl cuts for women

The history of Swiss watches

What are those things called that you use to hang glasses around your neck?

Pederast

Words ending in "doux"

Olivia Palermo

Shiba Inu puppy cam

Island made of an upside down rock pictures

And so concludes the most worthless thing I have ever spent ten minutes on. That's a lie.

Why I can't eat healthy

2011-04-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Fair warning, I use the word salad A LOT in this post and after reading it you probably will feel like it's not a real word anymore.

All day long I have been thinking about the salad I am going to make for dinner. I hated any form of lettuce/spinach/green leafy things until approximately four months ago, but I am going to continue appreciating this new-found salad love until it vanishes as quickly as it came. So, this is the glorious salad I was going to prepare:

Totally amped on the realization I was craving a salad, I started taking it too far (as I am prone to doing). All the sudden I had the next five meals of my life planned out and they all involved some kind of spinach and fruit concoction that I found on fancy food blogs. It had been a long day at work and the thought kept me going for the better part of eight hours. If that sounds pathetic, then I have described it properly.

Internal instances that occurred:
"This project is hard…but I want to eat healthy! I'm a superhero! I can do anything!"

"My neck hurts from looking at a computer screen with my head tilted in bewilderment all day…but as soon I eat those salad meals I am going to feel invincible!"

"EXCEL SPREADHSEET! I would kill you…..but then I wouldn't feel so peaceful as I eat my delicious salad dinner."

Then I got an email.
"Hey…want to get pizza for dinner tonight?"

Seriously? Of course I want to get pizza tonight.

*salad from here

2011-03-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my little brother Tyson went on an LDS mission. It was sad to say goodbye to him for two years because it's probably been in the last two years that I've really grown close to him. As kids he was the one who would indulge my creative whims, acting out parts in my pretend plays and choreographing dances to old songs that we would perform for the family with elaborate props and costumes.

As he grew up he became a hilarious partner in crime, stealing election signs in the dark until my car was packed and sneaking out to get tacos at 2 a.m. He can flawlessly fold his 6'4" frame into a standing front flip, he's the happiest person I know and he always has a hilarious story about his adventures. I will miss him so much…here's to hoping I can get better at letter writing quickly!

your cool was contagious.

2011-03-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

I was getting that itch to delete Facebook again and then I remembered last time.

It was a Friday when I first gathered the resolve to delete my Facebook account. Tired of the mindlessly angry statuses from people I knew in high school and the strange compulsion I feel to check it every hour (conservative estimate), I clicked the 'deactivate' button.

Propelled by straight up internet rage at that point, I also deleted the Facebook app on my phone and tried to create a whole new identity for myself that involved literature and fields of grass.

Saturday was hard. I woke up and was checking my email when I remembered what I had done. There was a little black spot on the screen of my phone where once sat that charming blue "F" icon. What if someone I stalk posted pictures? What if I got an event invitation? It didn't matter, I told myself, because today will be full of real things like ~~playing games on my phone~~ making homemade lemonade and ~~spraying febreeze~~ cleaning my house.

I got out of bed and began driving to my parents house for a little visit when my car broke down. As I waited at the nearest gas station for my dad, all kinds of statuses ran through my head.

"Amanda is probably going to be riding bikes a LOT more after today."

"Amanda is apparently sitting near a beehive because a swarm of bees literally just circled my car, stingers ready and waiting."

"Amanda is throwing up gas station horchata. Bad life choices are all over the place today."

I could tweet them, I thought, but who would care? My one spam account follower? Resigned to keeping my thoughts to myself, I put my phone away and spent the next 20 minutes staring and people and trying to discreetly look away when they caught me staring.

That weekend I was all about starting a revolution. I nearly talked almost three people into deleting their pages, even. So, as you can imagine, it was a sad Monday morning when I realized what a fool I had been to shun the online world and came back. I can't do that to myself again.

(Image via weheartit)

Doing Stuff, Learning Things

2011-03-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard, I have ~~hobbies~~ a hobby. No big deal*. Just thought I would photo document it in case it seems like all I ever do is watch TV and read other people's blogs. So come with me, let's explore the world of bookbinding.

folding and poking

sewing and knotting

pressing and gluing

cutting and binding

paper choosing and measuring

more gluing and waiting

The finished product-- linen paper, bound with leather and a vintage map of Paris.

* It is a VERY big deal. Bookbinding class entails interacting with strangers in an unfamiliar environment and cutting things with an Exacto knife. Two fears conquered right there.

Culver's and Cats in Cardigan: Alliteration, Embrace It

2011-03-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

The best part of my President's Day weekend? When I found out there was a Culver's right here in Utah.

(Sidenote: The smirk, I know, it has to stop. It's not ironically funny when I do it alone by myself. I know, I know.)

Not just the home of the most unhealthy fast food ever (I had a butterburger, fried cheese curds and a custard shake-- enough said), Culver's was pretty pivotal to my Midwestern high school years.

I shopped pretty much exclusively at H&M, spent Friday nights having weird run-ins at Culver's and developed a crack cocaine-like addiction to Panera Bread while I lived in Illinois.

It's easy for me to get nostalgic, but I daresay that all those things are totally overshadowed by Friday nights spent dressing cats in sweaters and eating pizza and playing mistress to my dearest Alison.

VD and Hot Dogs. Not a metaphor.

2011-02-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day was a lovely affair. If you're ever wanting to hang out with adolescents on their first awkward group date or old men with gambling addictions, might I suggest Nickel Mania on Valentine's Day? It was seriously the best. David and I went NICKEL INSANE.

For Valentine's Day, I tracked down a hot dog toaster for Dave. He got me a Kindle, so it's hard to tell who really came out ahead here. It was partly as a nod to "How I Met Your Mother" and partly because I thought it was not a real thing until I bought it online.

It's real. Now, a little precursor before I tell you about our hot dog feast last night. Ever since I was little I have had this weird thing about hot dogs. I seriously can't stand the smell, look, taste, etc. of them 90% of the time. The other 10% it's like hot dogs are made of every delicious food in the world and if I don't eat 100 in one sitting I will never be happy again. My mom feels the same way, so it might be a genetic thing.

So. This all led to Hot Dog Binge 2011. I'm going to play out the rest of the night through a series of conversations:

First scene, entering the grocery store.
Dave: "What should we get at the store besides hot dogs and buns?"
Me: "I'm probably just going to have one hot dog. I don't really like them. So maybe I'll just buy a little salad or something."
Dave: "Okay, I'll just get some chips then."

Ten minutes later, after I have chosen aforementioned salad and we head over to the hot dog section.
Dave, staring at the wall of hot dogs: "What kind?"
Me, starting to get the hot dog fever: "Um let's get the most expensive because they probably taste the best. What about these? or these? Are these real beef? Are these? No. Oh, these look good! Yeah...real good...I'm starting to get really hungry."
People behind us: "grumble grumble"

Later, in the chip aisle.
Me, feeling really anxious to eat a hot dog, losing all sense of rationality: "GET THE SOUR CREAM AND ONION. I'm going to eat these chips and hot dogs TO DEATH. I want AT LEAST five hot dogs. HOT DOGS UNTIL I PUKE!"
Dave: "Okay I'm just going to grab a dr--"
Me: "HOT. DOGS."

At home, with the hot dog maker all plugged in and ready to toast some hot dogs.
Me, desperation in my eyes: "Hot dog machine I NEEEED a hot dog. Please, please, please, I'm begging you. Why is it taking so long?!???"

Fade to black. An hour later, the salad sits forlornly in the fridge.
Me: "I want to die. Why did I eat three and a half hot dogs."
Dave: "My stomach hurts. So. Many. Hot. Dogs."

Valentine's Day Feverrrrr

2011-02-14T12:25:00.000-08:00

Great things about today:

I got to wear leggings as pants. My work decided to have an Oscars party today and we were supposed to dress like a celebrity. After some brainstorming here in the marketing department, we decided we would all go as incognito celebs. I immediately called Mary-Kate Olsen. Hellloooooo leggings and 5 rings and 20 necklaces and dirty hair. It's practically a dream come true for me to come to work like this.

Endless supplies of sugar cookies with red hots on top. The bestttt. My lovely co-workers also made my dreams come true by bringing sugar cookies, fun dip and coke gummies. I had four sugar cookies for breakfast. And fun dip. A sugar stick that you dip in sugar.

My glasses from Warby Parker are here! Now I just have to decide which ones I want.Hopefully the creepy bathroom shots I sent Alison will help her help me.

I have a hot date tonight that consists of Estes pizza and Nickel Cade. Only my favorite things in the world.

Valentine's Day! Valentine's Day! Valentine's Day!

Sassy ensemble of the week

2011-02-11T10:45:00.000-08:00

I hesitate to talk about bad sartorial choices I see in real life on this blog because it feels kind of mean-spirited and who am I to judge? I wear the same pants every day and my hair is permanently formed into a braid because that's the only hairstyle I've found that looks the same whether or not you sleep on it. Which I do. For several days at a time.

But I just can't get this outfit out of my head. I have to share what I saw someone wearing at bookbinding class this week. Behold:

A utilikilt

Scrunch socks

and Sketchers shape- ups

At the same time, though, I have to give him props for branching out. So kudos to you utilikilt man, I'm glad not everyone feels the need to play by the "men should wear pants" rule and I bet your pockets are really useful for toting around trinkets.

Still loving this photo app

2011-02-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

I get pretty much endless entertainment by asking David to wear my sunglasses and then calling him Kurt Cobain. I tried to force him into wearing my potato sack coat to complete the look, but he politely declined.

This is Kurt and I enjoying some breakfast burritos at Sonic ("Kurt face! Kurt face!" was my direction).

This weekend Kurt gifted me a guitar strap...this beauty:

I'm well on my way to guitar greatness. Now to learn more than three chords. and rhythm. I will need that.

Saw your face, in a crowded place

2011-02-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

Today James Blunt came to my work:

As a little bit of a preface, Deven and I were obsessed with making jokes about "You're Beautiful" our freshman year. We made a collage and sang each other that phrase almost daily in a high falsetto voice. Never did I ever dream that this joke would someday be my reality. He almost cried while singing. It was the most hilarious day of work to date.

Loving Lately

2011-02-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

This video:

This morsel:

This cat:

No credit for any of these images...sorry for my bad internet etiquette.

Bang bang

2011-01-31T11:23:00.001-08:00

I hate bangs. They suck you in with their adorableness and the fact that you NEVER have to pluck your eyebrows. Then you start to get annoyed because they grow out in five seconds. No matter, they still make your hair look done even when it's not so you keep them. You have a hairstyle and thus you have a discernible "look."

One day, however, you see a picture of yourself with scraggly bangs and decide this madness has to come to an end. Bangs are only good to you 40 percent of the time and that is no way for a hairstyle to be. So you decide to grow them out. You pin them to the side, wear a beanie on weekends, dream about the day you have normal hair again.

You tremble every time you see a picture of a hip girl with stick-straight perfect bangs. Smiling happily, "Life is good because I have the best bangs."

"That could be me," you whisper silently to yourself. "That could be me."

The scissors gleam from their place in the corner.

"You are so great at cutting your own bangs," they seem to say, "you can HAVE those bangs and they will be straight and fall into place perfectly every morning. They will never be in your eyes or messed up every time a breeze blows."

I can do this. I can let go of the bangs. I can last one more month I am rewarding myself with a professional hair cut.

Real mature

2011-01-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

An email conversation to illustrate just how adult I am.

On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 11:04 AM, David Miller wrote:
Good morning BABY!

On Jan 28, 2011 11:06 AM, Amanda Mears wrote:
wah wah wah wahhhhhhhh

On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 11:13 AM, David Miller wrote:
Oh my god! You are literally a baby!

On Jan 28, 2011 11:15 AM, Amanda Mears wrote:
WAAAAAAAAAH WAHWAHWAH WAH WAHHHHHHHHH

On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 11:17 AM, David Miller wrote:
I hope you get SIDS.

On Jan 28, 2011 11:21 AM, Amanda Mears wrote:

Rallying for myself

2011-01-24T12:08:00.000-08:00

From now on I'm going to start implementing a point system into my life.

I was going to get my lunch out of the fridge at work when I started thinking about how my shoes were giving me a blister and completely forget what I was doing. Panicking, I decided to just take a lap around the office. The office loop ends in a dead end. I had to double back, still confused about why I got up in the first place, while still discreetly pretending that I was going somewhere in particular. Five minutes of being stared at = -5 points.

I struck up a conversation with someone while heating up my lunch. She totally felt my pain about the pointy shoe blister. +2 points

A piece of spaghetti –sauce covered pasta dropped down my neck scarf hitting my face, hair and shirt along the way. -3 points

I'm saving the earth by bringing my own mug to work and washing it out every day. +1 point because washing it totally sucks and I have a bad attitude about going green.

I succeeded at vegetarian week, turning down barbecue chicken pizza, imperial chicken and bacon in the process. +4

So far I'm down 1 point, but there's still time for a comeback. Yay, look how fun the office can be.

Boy, we can do much more together

2011-01-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

I've been:

Enjoying mango sticky rice with these fine ladies.

Decorating my humble abode and taking really bad histamatic pictures in low light.

Making some books at book binding class

Cuddling with cats against their will.

And wearing the same coat every single day. My brother said it feels like hugging a potato sack.

Optimus Prime

2011-01-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have trouble separating reality from television. Like when Dave is telling me about a car that crashed into a transformer and caused the power to go out everywhere last night. The whole time I was like, "Whoa, that's pretty crazy I can't believe I slept through a Transformer wreaking havoc like that. Wait…"

Yeah, I guess a transformer is some sort of the electrical circuit conductor. Good to know.

Goal #1- Blog sometimes, maybe.

2011-01-10T12:32:00.000-08:00

Part of my goal list for 2011 is to try things on a week-to-week basis. That way I don't really have to commit and still feel like I'm accomplishing things. This week has been declared vegetarian week. I don't really eat much meat any way, but I figured this would be a good way to avoid cheeseburgers and Café Rio for a minute.

Other one-week goals:

Exercise every day for a week.

Bike everywhere except work for a week.

No television for a week.

I feel like I deserve some credit for trying to be realistic here. There is no way I will keep that promise to myself to bike everywhere during summer. It's hot, I hate wearing bike appropriate clothes and taking my bike on Trax makes me look ridiculous because I don't have very good balance and trying to juggle a bike while standing up on a moving vehicle is like a comedy routine.

But a week of bike riding is totally plausible. I have all I need within a five block radius: the grocery store, library internet and Dave's cable. See? Weekly goals are awesome and make me feel good about myself with minimal effort.

Other goals:

Make my bed more comfortable.

Take a fancy class.

Go on a trip out of this state.

Finish a book.

It's all about not over-exerting yourself, friends.

UPDATED: I guess this is not vegetarian week because I just ate a chicken quesadilla. I don't regret it, it was amazing.

A blog so long it's embarassing

2010-11-22T10:10:00.000-08:00

So some stuff has happened. I have a new job in the marketing department at Overstock.com. I have a new studio apartment in the downtown department of Utah. That's not what this blog post is about.

This is about animal companionship. I think I'm ready for a pet fish again. Let's play some dreamy background music and take a step back in time to look at my fish past…

2004: I got a plastic fish in a vending machine. It was really great. It had rubbery fins and I liked to keep it in the cup holder of my car. This is what inspired me to want a real fish.

2005: As a super special birthday present I got two goldfish named Kanye and Gup-gup, complete with a purple aquarium. It was the only pet allowed in our dorm room and you better believe we loved those little fish like they were capable of knowing what affection was. I even tried to pet them with my finger on MULTIPLE occasions (every single day). Once I succeeded and it was gross.

Also 2005: A few weeks after acquiring the fish, things started to get sketchy. Gup-gup and Kanye were OBSESSED with sticking their noses above the water and as a result developed strange growths on them. At the time I attributed it to all the finger petting. Also they started swimming upside down like they were one step away from death. So I went to Petsmart where the fish specialist told me that goldfish need oxygen pumped in. Who knew? I had so much to learn about fish mothering.

Again, 2005: Aaaaaaand a few weeks later Gup-gup, apparently traumatized by the lack of oxygen, succumbed to her weird nose growths and died. I always dreamed of Gup-gup and Kanye having a joint funeral, and since it looked like Kanye was also on his death bed my mom lovingly wrapped her corpse in tin foil and wrote "Here lies Gup-gup, she was a good fish" on top. I then put her in the garage freezer to wait until I could hold a proper fish burial.

2006: Kanye makes a miraculous recovery thanks to his new oxygen pump. I would later learn, after accidentally leaving him alone for a week unfed, that Kanye has developed a super-human resistance to death. I'm not proud of this, but once I didn't clean the tank for awhile and there was a slimy green layer so thick you could not see him through it. But did he die? No no no, he just tried to clean his aquarium himself by eating that disgusting green slime. A real testament to his character.

Late 2006: Things took a turn for the worse when Kanye attempted suicide. Every time I cleaned his tank, I had to transport him to a small bowl. Usually this was pretty seamless. This time it was not. As I was herding him into the bowl, he deliberately veered to the right and took a dive onto the floor below. I panicked as his little body flopped around before deftly scooping him and saving his life like the hero I am.

2007: Things were not looking good for Kanye. At this point he has survived several hardships. A very awkward ride from Logan to Salt Lake in a plastic bag on my lap. Things of that nature. He held on though, much to everyone's surprise, and moved to Oakridge with me. I didn't know it yet, but this would be his final resting place.

Early 2008: Okay, to be honest, I was really sick of caring for the super human fish and sort of forgot about him. That is until my roommate got Beta fish. We put the two bowls next to each other and would watch, delighted, as the Beta's rammed against the fish bowl trying to attack Kanye. This lasted until my roommate overfed her Beta fish and they died from gluttony. I am not making this up.

Mid-2008: Kanye was never the same after that. He started swimming very slowly and floating to the surface of his bowl despite desperate attempts to paddle those little fins. I knew his time was getting near. One day I checked on him to find a strange growth coming from his little fish butt. It appeared as though his intestines were literally coming out of him. A few weeks later, I got the text "I think Kanye might be dead." Indeed, he was, and the heartbreak was too much to bear, so I covered his tank with paper towels and mourned. And mourned. And mourned. And forgot about him. And then was too grossed out to look under the paper towel. Finally Deven flushed him down the toilet as I read a eulogy.

Pretty sure Gup-gup is still in my parent's freezer.

Anyway, writing this novel of a blog post actually completely discouraged me from getting a pet.

Soooooo, what's up everyone?

List

2010-08-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

Places to take Holga:

1. A carnival
2. Hot springs
3. California
4. Building roof

Things to buy:

1. Proper fitting oxfords
2. Satchel bag
3. Cynthia Rowley Band-Aids
4. A simple necklace
5. Lace-up boots

Need to do:

1. Figure out why my eye was bleeding last night
2. Paint my nails

Music to listen to:

1. New Sufjan
2. All of Best Coast
3. Madder Red

No, I don't think I spend too much time on the internet...Why? Do you?

Stalking nature

2010-08-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

Once, while driving, I spotted a literal herd of deer in a cemetery by the city. I could not say 'no' to creepin' on them and playing deer paparazzi.

I made a life altering discovery and have decided I want to be buried in my own fancy tomb.

Haunting, right?

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me. I got shockingly close to the deer after this was take, but got all scared that they would attack on hind legs and smack me with their hoofs.

oooh baby I love your way

2010-08-02T15:08:00.000-07:00

Take a little look through the recent pictures I have taken and you will see that I am clearly obsessed with alison donna [redacted for people that really are creeps and not just pseudo-creeps like me].

Who is this enchanting girl? Let me show you.

If I was a better photographer, this would have been an epic Godzilla picture.

Again, I am really great at pictures. Ali as a ghost.

This is her boyfriend, what's-his-name. Whatever, not important, back to alison.

Practically a saint in that photo.

Oh, and as a side note, I also have a boyfriend...I think he was at the show that night. I was too busy taking pictures of alison to notice.

Television, My True Love

2010-07-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

~~The Tim Gunn Show~~ Project Runway is back on tonight and that means one more season of me talking non-stop about how Tim Gunn is the best/most hilarious/classiest mentor/human/host (sigh, he's a man of so many talents) for 90 minutes each week.

When Tim Gunn is the screen I'm full of love and wonder, caught in a fantasy world where Tim Gunn is my life mentor, patting me on the shoulder and telling me to make it work or making a frowny face at my outfit choice (Tim, I seriously didn't have time to get ready today) When Tim Gunn is not on the screen I'm waiting for him to come back and spout out something profound about fabric choices and draping.

Ha ha, oh Tim.

An offer

2010-07-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how when I was little my favorite books were about ponies. Then, inevitably, I thought about what a good band name Pony Club Secrets was ( or even The Pony Club if we were venturing into copyright infringement territory). I even MySpaced it to see if it was taken and it was not.

Album cover?

So I guess that means our first album will be titled "Angel and the Flying Stallions." I'm okay with that. In fact, think how many band names could spring from that alone. The Flying Stallions.

Right, I know I don't play any instruments and I sing in a fake voice ONLY, so here is my offer- someone with talent contact me and I will let you use my idea in exchange for money and a part in the band where all I have to do is fake play piano (because no one can really see what you're doing with your fingers.)

In our band's spare time I would like if we could thrift for matching stage costumes and reupholster furniture.

Ha ha ha just kidding. (No, I'm not. Please someone help me all I can ever be in life is a traveling fake musician.)

Other books I loved that can potentially be band names:

The Silver Slippers, Walk Two Moons or If You Only Knew anyone?

Doing stuff, listening to indie rock

2010-07-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

Last night was craft night. It was lots of wandering around Michael's and picking things up and putting them down and thrift stores and this picture:

We made magic corpse windows, so that when you look through them you can see what you will look like as a ZOMBIE CORPSE.

Also I half-painted a unicorn picture. Crafts!

The rest is still unwritten

2010-07-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

It's almost concerning how many people I have talked to about The Hills today. What will I do after the series finale ends? Who will I be without Audrina to imitate?

Although a little piece of my heart already died the day LC left, I'm still feeling lost. So, in honor of the show that brought me so much joy, a tribute.

“Jeans can be really addicting. There’s always new ones and you feel like you have to have them. I can’t do it.” ~Whitney

I can hardly even look at this one. Oh, the days when Heidi and Lauren didn't even have to photoshopped into photos together. A simpler time P.K.C. (pre-Kelly Cutrone) when Whitney mostly just blinked as LC regaled her with stories about Jason/Brody and would never dream about putting her private life on display. Look at those pigtails and tell me you knew that someday Whitney would be a diva.

No words, no words for that sparkle in Heidi's eyes that has been surgically removed. No words for that flat chest that would someday house so much silicone that even Pamela Anderson, upon seeing it, would cast her eyes downward in silent defeat.

And who could forget this grainy scene, when it all fell apart. As thick black tears streamed down LC's face, I cried for all the shopping trips and fake-eating scenes that would never again happen between Lauren and Heidi.

"Truth and time tells all."- Justin Bobby

Here's to truth and time. There were so many photos I could have chosen to represent Justin Bobby, but this one captures the essence of JB. The half ponytail, the nonchalant eyebrow. At that moment the wisest thing he thinks he has ever thought was probably coming out of his mouth.

Pretty sure I should stop googling The Hills pictures at work, so in closing- goodbye les deux, goodbye Audrina staring at random things, goodbye Speidi when you were just a little appalling and not so sad/awkwardly hard-to-watch, goodbye Brody...have fun with your new girlfriend avril lavigne, goodbye Kristen and the way you could never measure up to LC because you were in love with Justin Bobby and Brody Jenner, goodbye Lo "I'm Switzerland" Bosworth, goodbye Ryan Cabbrera's spiky hair-you were never "bad" enough for Audrina, goodbye matching jean vests, goodbye Stephanie Pratt wasting away more with each passing episode (good luck with your purse designing business), goodbye gratituous bikini shots with a top 40 song playing in the background and goodbye all the wonderful, wonderful jokes I made on behalf of this show. I loved you.

Severe anxiety, I have it

2010-07-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have alarm clock neurosis?

I am so terrified of not waking up that I literally have to set two alarms on my phone, two minutes apart, every single night.

Never mind that I am usually awoken by the blind people bus that stops in front of my house every morning, announcing it’s route loudly. Or that sometimes when my fan rustles a piece of paper it violently wakes me up, in a panic that someone has broken in and is now rifling through my magazines with wild abandon.

Last night though it spiraled into scary OCD territory as I realized my phone was nearly out of batteries and my charger was nowhere to be found. I set the two alarms anyway and then proceeded to set the alarm clock in my room. Then I dug out an old alarm clock and set that too, just in case maybe the first one was broken from not using it for so long.

Then I settled into bed. And started realizing that I had no clue if the alarm clocks I had set really worked so I went about testing them all, several times, then resetting them, then double checking it.

I honestly spent half an hour ensuring I would wake up in the morning- It was all so unnecessary, I see that now. And then this morning came…it was like a war between the four most annoying sounds in the world. I was simultaneously awoken by bells, a gentle harp, a shrill beep and mariachi music from the Spanish radio station.

How do you even go about your day when THAT is how you are woken up?

A little reminder

2010-06-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

So, lately I have seen overalls popping up here and there on fashion-type blogs. I am being serious when I say this is one trend I can NEVER, ever subscribe to. And to remind myself of that, here is a list of why:

1. I have a picture of myself, on the first day of second grade, wearing the following combination: Green sunflower print overalls, scrunch socks, patchwork quilt Converses (as horrible as you are imagining) and a neon colored backpack. One side of my overalls is unbuckled, telling my classmates that I was much too cool to bother fastening both sides. I should never be allowed to even utter the word ‘fashion’ again.

2. When I was in fourth grade I wore a sassy white pair of overalls to school. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at lunch contemplating how I was going to avoid grass stains and playground dirt (a. stand by a portable with the cools girls talking about how hot Jonathan Taylor Thomas was or b. play kickball and sneak to the back of the line over and over so I would never actually have to play) when I dropped an entire carton of chocolate milk on my lap. I had to waddle to the office with drippy chocolate milk pants and call my mom, crying hysterically, and ask her to bring me new clothes. Traumatizing.

3. Buried deep in a box at my parent’s house is a photo of me in a dressing room stall wearing overalls with an embroidered Eeyore on them, circa 1999. Next to it is a picture of Ali wearing the same thing. Maybe we were joking, but probably deep inside we actually wanted to own these items of clothing. As I look at that girl, with gigantic eyebrows and white sparkle eyeshadow, I know that to own overalls now would be to unleash that inner 12-year-old. No thanks.

4. A problem I have run into with my recent romper addiction is how unnaturally long my torso is. My solution for this as a young overall-wearing child was to adjust the straps to make them as long as possible. That presented a whole new conundrum because not only did it look stupid, but now I had a gaping patch of skin on the side where my shirt was not long enough. The solution? A bodysuit. Please tell me you remember those. Well, things went from bad to worse when one day in second grade the snaps holding it in place began to come undone as I sat in class. I could see it going very badly, so I casually slipped my hand down to try and fix it. As I struggled, my teacher looked over at me, hand down my pants, and asked if I was okay. Seriously mortifying for a little girl.

I could go on, seriously, but this is dredging up some painful memories. I think I have sufficiently made my point.

bike bike bike

2010-06-02T11:58:00.001-07:00

you guys, I have a bike. Dreams are coming true this summer.

It all began when I was at my parents house. I was out in the garage spying on my little brother who was practicing ninja rolls in the front yard*. Just as I was considering how to get him on a reality show, I looked up and there, in the rafters, were two bikes.

These bikes have been in my life since 1987, silently hanging in garages, but never before had they looked so full of promise and joy. Fast-forward, we fixed the tires, cleaned it and now I can awkwardly cruise around Salt Lake like a little bird. A little bird with a sore butt. Who maybe looks really out of shape breathing heavily up small inclines.

Bike!

*Shortly after the ninja roll, I watched him throw a football at a rock only to have it bounce back and hit him in the face. Completely unaware anyone was watching.

me, me, me

2010-04-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

Blogging in hopes it will take up some time, not because I have anything special to write.

Why is it that as soon as I open this little window my brain is automatically starts churning out either a.) a list of things I want (a bike with a basket and a haircut, please) or b.) a list of things I am worried about (not failing political statistics and not failing political statistics, please God let me graduate.)

Thanks brain, but I am not even going to go there. Instead, I am going to make a list of things I like and am happy about to counteract the crippling depression creeping in brought on by the snow outside.

1. An expanding record collection. I discovered the most amazing record store and with David have bought approximately 20 records in the past two weeks including the Breakfast at Tiffanys soundtrack and Captain and Tennille's greatest hits for when I need a laugh. It's addicting. Currently a life goal I have set for myself is owning "Rocky Raccoon" on vinyl, so if anyone sees a White album floating around please let me know.

2. Gchat. Small, discreet wonderful gchat on which I can lust over KSL listings and be entertained by friends allllll day long. Also related, RSS feeds which enable me to stalk allllll day long.

3. Target. I could write sonnets to Target. I adore Target and I am pretty sure I venture there once a week. It is like my Tiffanys in "Breakfast at Tiffanys." Breakfast at Target. I once got lotion for $.40. Oh also I am becoming a hoarder because of Target, so there's that. I have like five bottles of shampoo in my closet.

4. Betos tortillas. I found out you can just buy singular tortillas at Betos. It was a good day as I sat there double-fisting plain tortillas in my car.

5. New pillows. For my bed. I am like Goldilocks about pillows and they are ALWAYS too thin or too puffy or too hard or too soft. But I am happy to report I have found a wonderful pillow and each night as I set my weary head on it I think to myself, "Just right."

6. The eternal quest for the perfect brown oxfords. This one is kind of annoying, but gives purpose to my life. So far I have gotten a pair from ebay that were actually men's and are way too big and a pair from Urban Outfitters that were in confusing European sizes and much too small. Someday I will be victorious and broke from shipping charges.

Well, this list is pretty much turning into a Things I Want list. It did, however, take up twenty minutes.

schooled

2010-04-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Rising panic.

I only have three weeks left of my entire school life. Four to five weeks left of my job.

My job that I have grown to love. I love absolute freedom and writing all day. For the first time in my life I can come and go as I please, no questions asked. I can check my phone whenever I hear a little buzz coming from the corner of my desk and I can get ready in the morning without fear of clocking in five minutes late.

I will miss getting assignments, picking up tickets at will-call, scribbling notes in dim light and rushing frantically back to the office to typetypetype with one eye on the clock.

I will miss my parking pass and my little name badge that grants me access into the newsroom. I will miss driving around the valley interviewing people with fascinating (and not so fascinating) stories.

I will miss staring out the fifth floor window all day at the old Tribune building and wondering what it would be like to work in a time when my preferred profession was not laughable.

I would like to take a month of and travel all over in my car, but the catch-22 of it all is that that takes money. Money you get from a job. That will not let you take a month off to travel. What to do?

In other news, Deven and I made a married person blog documenting our room mate romance. There is a poll. It will be fun.

http://www.thefinhood.blogspot.com

Vacation, please.

2010-03-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

I, quite desperately, want to go on a road trip spanning from California to Florida. I want to hop in my (very untrusty) car, tumble out on a beach somewhere, visit best friends in Illinois and Tennessee, stop at small antique stores in small towns, sing to mixes made for rolling down the windows, never wash my wind-tangled hair, enjoy the road and the sunrises and the sunsets and end up at this magical place:

Mapquest tells me it will only cost $600 in gas...

2010-02-25T09:29:00.001-08:00

Last night I had the most terrible dreams about bears. I blame the whale incident. But I love bears, seriously, I am like a bear advocate. These nightmares ruined my life. My family and I were camping and swimming in the lake alongside a pack of bears. They were being adorable and splashing us and rolling around when one of them just snapped and started running (on the water, yes) towards a little child, growling and being generally terrifying. Not wanting to see what was about to happen, I started running with my parents towards the forest. There we stumbled upon more angry bears and a terrifying chase ensued. Ending with us all being eaten. By wild, rabid bears.

I can't even tell you how much I hate my subconscious right now. I will never be able to enjoy Bear World again. Okay, that's a lie I can, but still. Bears were like the one thing I wasn't scared of in the wilderness. and wolves. I do like wolves. Cue next frightening dream...

I forgot to put a title until just now

2010-02-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

I am about to show you the most beautiful bicycle to ever grace my eyes:

and now a confession: I am too scared to ride a bike around the city. Even though it is a baby city, I am terrified of being one with cars when all I have is a slight metal frame and a Styrofoam helmet to protect me.

I don't know the etiquette of real-life bike riding. I'm good as long as there are bike lanes, but once it is me and the bare street...terror. I'm telling you. Do I do arm signals? Switching lanes when I need to turn left?!?? What if someone drives to close to me and hits me with their side-view mirror? Havoc. In my mind riding a bicycle downtown is havoc.

Update: I just ate one of those those cheese and cracker things with the sweet little red stick and it had so much cheese on it that I almost threw up...It seems I am no longer a child capable of loving insane amounts of processed cheese. Sad.

When does Gossip Girl come back on? Seriously.

2010-02-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

I am not Catholic...not at all, but every year I give up something for lent (Lent? Don't even know) because I have usually already failed at New Year's resolutions and to keep Melanie company in her Catholicism.

This year I have given up shopping.

This morning I got an email from Forever 21, subject: Get your romp on.

(Reference last post)

(Reference I hate being so materialistic)

Not going to lie, I am really struggling through the last half of winter. So much that I decided to go tanning and then my poor skin shriveled up at the thought and cancer instantly sprang up on my arms and thank you very much magazine articles about the dangers of tanning beds because I think I will just save my $8 and buy pistachio macarons and wallow.

I'm basically just writing this blog post so the minutes will edge towards 1:00 when I have promised myself a sandwich and a lap around the office. What a treat! The real sadness lies in the fact that I have been amped about this sandwich since, oh, 10 a.m. and that I actually hate sandwiches.

In other news related to me, I hate Avatar. Just throwing that out there. Judge accordingly. It gets worse each time I have to sit through three hours of the most HORRIFICALLY cheesy dialogue I have heard since the one time I watched the Mormon version of Beauty and the Beast.

My mom made me.

Judge accordingly.

I'm hungry

2010-02-09T12:02:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about a new little love of mine called a romper.

For those unaware, that is the romper that I am currently pining after. I have a renewed interest in wearing only clothes i can buy for under $5 at Thrift Town. Luckily, there are rompers in every shape, color, size and floral pattern to satiate my desire... Through fraught with peril (ie trying to quickly go to the bathroom before you pee your pants- next to impossible in a romper, FYI) wearing one reminds me of spring. and spring reminds me that I will not be cold and devoid of sunlight for eternity.

Oh, so this weekend I bought a glue gun. Does anyone read any cute crafty-type Web sites that don't make you feel like you are nearly geriatric? (Hannah, I know what you are thinking.) I don't have television anymore so I am thinking I will need a hobby for the evening hours...

A short essay on why moving out is not the same when you are 18 as when you are 22

2010-01-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

Well, well it appears I am now renting an apartment. I say appears because I am not actually sure what just happened. Deven and I went to look at a place and all the sudden it was like cute entry...Wood paneling?... Why is there a sink in the living room?... Oh but I love the windows... Please sign this lease. And it was done. To the apartment's credit, it IS cute and I HAVE been needing to downsize my belongings by like, oh, I don't know 70 percent.

Anyway, the point is, I am moving out! I can't wait for the wild nights in which I will stay up past 11 p.m. and then be cranky the next morning when I wake up at 7 to go to work! Oh ho ho neighbors, you better watch out for the soft indie-folk tunes that will be pouring out of my stereo during those late nights. That smell? Oh that's just my INCENSE (burned strictly because I like the scent, not to cover drug use of any sort) suckaaaa!

Yesterday I used dry shampoo in a desperate attempt to avoid showering and it made my hair turn a shade of gray that could only be remedied by taking a shower. Isn't that ironic. Are those two thoughts related? I'm not sure.

A post in which I excessively use footnotes

2010-01-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Each day, as I sit in the office and try to make up tasks for myself*, I grow more and more socially awkward. It begins from the time I walk into the features nook and decide if "Hello" or "Good morning" would be more appropriate. It usually comes out as "Hellorning."

From there it generally speeds downhill as I internally debate what, exactly, I should be doing and whether or not I should speak to my co-workers/editors**. Then I compulsively drink water bottles until it is 5 p.m.; at which point I can gather my belongings, whisper "Goodbye" and get out of the elevator on the wrong floor and wander around until I find my car as the other writers drive by, undoubtedly puzzled at why I look like a crazed hobo searching for shelter in the parking garage.

Oh adult life, you're more than I ever dreamed. I commute. I take a lunch (but only when I don't feel awkward about asking to leave. DO I NEED MEDICATION?) I wear office appropriate clothes. This little charade ends come May and is it wrong that I just want to go back to school?

* A conversation that just occurred in my head: "Hmmmm what can I google that looks as if I am doing research when I am not? How to crochet? That might prove useful. But can I make it look like I am NOT, in fact, googling crocheting lessons? Probably not. I guess I will just refresh CNN again to see if they have posted any stories about celebrities because THAT is what I choose to be interested in, not important things like the crisis in Haiti. Which is very sad. It just doesn't make time pass by as quickly as fashion/music/scandal."

** Not because I don't want to, but because my track record is not very good. I generally walk away from conversations re-playing them and cringing at myself for spewing out sentences like "Um, like, that's too funny. Ha." SERIOUSLY?

Because it seemed easier than 10...

2009-11-19T11:57:00.000-08:00

...here is a list of 5 things I am extremely happy about/inspired by/thankful for/loving right now.

One.

My little fall play list that I have been listening to every day. Click on the picture if you would like to download it as well..it comes in handy for cold walks and icy drives. One of the bands, Le Loup, is my current obsession. I bought a t-shirt at their show...that is a big deal for me because I probably had to Coinstar my change to buy it. Okay that's a lie, David bought it for me but I swear I would have gathered change... I really love them. I am new at zip files and such so it may not be in order, but here what it is supposed to sound like:

1. Matt and Kim - Daylight
2. Page France - Here's a Telephone
3. Le Loup - We are Gods! We are Wolves!
4. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Stay Alive
5. Phoenix - 1901
6. Phantogram - When I'm Small
7. Volcano Choir - Island, IS
8. Sin Fang Bous - Melt Down the Knives
9. The Rosewood Thieves - Double Crossed
10. Port O'Brien - My Will is Good
11. I and Love and You - The Avett Brothers
12. Bowerbirds - Olive Hearts

Two.

Cupcakes. Always. I have maybe 100 pictures of cupcakes I have eaten on my phone. Kind of gross, kind of adorable. My stomach started rejecting baked goods as meals, but then I took some vitamins and now I think we are all good. Protein is for wusses anyway.

Three.

Lace tights...I wear them every day and am in love...it is quite possible that my favorite thing about fall is boots and tights. Sometimes I think I might look like a hooker, most of the time I don't care. Lace tights, you do nothing to keep me warm, but I do love you.

Also, the boots pictured above might be my prized possession... Why? You ask, well because they keep me from wearing Uggs. Although- confession time- I did wear my Uggs to the 3 a.m. showing of New Moon. And yeah, I did wear Pink sweatpants with them... It was the most comfortable movie of my life and I never felt more accepted for bad fashion choices.

Four.

Want. This. Dress. I plan my New Year's outfits like three months in advance. What? I work at Forever 21, it's okay. This is perfect. I will keep dreaming because I make $8.00 an hour at said place of employment.

Five.

And finally, I am very thankful that I got an internship at the Deseret News. I never saw a future as a journalist, but I am working in the Features section starting in January and it's quite a blessing in disguise... I am not sure how long I could continue working at the mall with 16-year-olds. I am entering the adult world (sort of) and that means I get to buy business-like new clothes. Just kidding. I am not only grateful for shopping. I swear.

HULK SMASH

2009-09-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

Once I saw an ad in a magazine for a website you sign up for and it alerts your boyfriend via text message when you are pms-ing. oh ho ho, I laughed. and then today happened. I think I need to send alerts to MYSELF. before things like this happen...

I told my man friend I want to scratch my own eyes out and that I might be going crazy. It's like I can't control the things that happen to come out of my mouth. I nearly cut off all my hair when it wouldn't look good in a ponytail. I ALMOST cried while watching a 5 minute youtube video of Dancing with the Stars. I HAVE NEVER WATCHED AN EPISODE OF DANCING WITH THE STARS IN MY LIFE. I envisioned myself as the Hulk, smashing mirrors and ripping my clothes of in a fit of rage. HULK SMASH. That is literally the sentence that went through my head.

Wish me luck today. I am liable to snap at any point.

posty post

2009-07-06T00:03:00.001-07:00

The past month in pictures:

Going on picnics with David in the middle of the city, getting mosquito bites ALL OVER, being in love and wading through the sketchy "river"

Camping at Bear Lake with Deven, Kyle and Dave!!! Kyle came to visit from Boston and it was like freshman year...but better because this time we loved the boys. Call it rekindling magic, but laying out under the stars next to the lake was all sorts of perfect.

We hiked into our camping spot and woke up to this:

It seems we are very talented at picking camping spots...

Also this month I have been dreaming about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. It has provided me eye candy for weeeeeeeks.

And having a fancy party with lots of glowing lanterns, candles and paper cranes.

I had basically the longest post ever written, but then blogspot.com deleted it. So there is the condensed version of my lovely June.

party crashing in the evening

2009-06-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

well, last night was supposed to be spent at Urban Lounge dancing to this band:

but I seem to have misplaced my driver's license (my bets would be on the floor at W Lounge...). So instead last night was spent frantically searching, pouting and finally giving up and watching Lost. I pouted extra long because Dave got us on the list, so not only would it have been a great show, it would have been a FREE show.

When you are a poor kid like I am, entertainment comes from one source: free things. Luckily, even though the show was a bust, there on top of the television sat Season 3 of Lost. We decided very recently that we should become fanatic followers of at least one TV show (all in the name of alleviating boredom, I regret it now) and settled on Lost, for the cult-like devotion it seems to bring out in others. So, two weeks ago we pooled our money, stole Dave's room mates Blockbuster card (as we are both lifetime members of the banned-from-Blockbuster-club...oops) and rented the first season. I will give everyone reading a moment to preemptively decide if this was a good or bad decision. GO.

If you watch Lost, you said bad decision and you were right. Every free hour since then has been devoted to Lost. Only, we have no one else to talk about it with because we are so far behind and, as a result, found ourselves having half-hour long conversations with each other about the pros and cons of Kate and Jack's relationship/how hot Sawyer looks with glasses (okay that was mostly me)/the metaphors of Lost that can be applied to life...you get the idea. When I heard on the news that a plane had crashed over the ocean and was missing, I literally yelped "LOST!" as I frantically searched for my phone to call Dave. I dream in Lost-style plots, starring characters in Lost. When I found out Dave had a polar bear costume in his possession, instead of questioning it, I immediately began planning a Lost-themed costume party. It got so bad that we had to take a three-day break and re-evaluate the amount of time we we were devoting to staring at a television.

Anyway, this story really has no conclusion, as I am still obsessed with Lost. But if anyone has any ideas for activities that poor kids can do that do not involve Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer, Juliet, Ben, Desmond, Charlie, Claire, Jin or Sun...please, let me know.

tangle me up tangle me uuuuuuup

2009-04-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Spring! you make it hard for me to concentrate on the copious amounts of school work i have this week. you make it impossible to focus on anything besides making smiling summer mixes and dreaming about riding bikes (or rather, owning a bike to ride) and being in love.

there were ducks on my lawn and chickens walking down the sidewalk, and a man creeping around my neighbors house who i am staring intently at through the window as i type this. he looks confused. his hat looks ready for an adventure.

my kitten ran away and my heart still hurts sometimes for him or maybe because of him, my phone is broken again and i am poorer than i have ever been. but spring, i love you too much to mind.

i love the land of lincoln.

2009-03-16T11:00:00.001-07:00

well blogspot, I just got back from spring break and it was magical. Getting out of utah was a very positive thing...

melanie and i photoboothed probably 45 percent of the trip. we photoboothed in her room, we photoboothed in the car, we photoboothed on Millikin's campus (in Decatur! sufjan supplied the soundtrack!), we photoboothed at Eastern. thanks apple for providing us with hours of amusement.

While at Eastern picking up her bro, we explored alleys. possibly one of the best activities in the midwest. we also visited Lincoln's log cabin. History!

we also went downtown to navigate the art museum and shop poor-kid style (that means looking at things and pouting). and to the riverwalk at naperville, where Jacob was our photographer. yes, if you can believe it we self-timered the previous photos. what skill.

it's hard for me, but i'm trying

2009-02-27T22:21:00.000-08:00

my limbs smell like chlorine. fridays and he came up to make crepes and give me his fortune that read: "never fear! the end of something marks the start of something new."

i slipped it into my palm. He will remember it forever, i think, but in a sadder way. in the space between now and forever, though, i will pick up pennies, stare at 11:11's, look for shooting stars and pluck four leaf clovers wishing for your happiness.

my blood is bubbling with excitement in my veins right now, for chicago and for tomorrow when i will sleep until i feel like waking up and for a pace that feels so hectic but being calm in the center for once i am becoming clear.

i have to go twitter, peace.

the aggie shuttle and other stimulating conversations

2009-02-09T16:57:00.000-08:00

Today, rather than post more pictures of my cat, I am going to tell a story to illustrate my life.

Hannah, this should make you less homesick.

Today, after studying all morning and taking a test, I hop the shuttle that will take me back to my car, back to my home and back to my bed. I love naps now, by the way. So I am sitting there, when I realize I forgot to jam my headphones into my ears. At that precise moment, I hear the girl across from me shriek- "Where is your wedding ring?" I froze, mid-reach into my backpack and listened the the repose that was about to come out of the (seemingly) 12-year-old boy next to her. Braces and all, he reached quickly into his backpack and dug around sheepishly. Meanwhile, the pajama clad wife glared apparently unaware that they were out in public verbally lashing him for his blatant disregard for her feelings. On a bus.

h8 it when my husband "forgets" to wear his ring to class and as a result gets attention from girls.

h8 it when I have to yell at my husband on the bus in my pajamas.

h8 it when me and my husbands braces get stuck together when we are making out.

That's my life in Logan.

LOLCATZ!

2009-02-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

I have some very exciting news... as of yesterday afternoon, I am now the partial owner of a kitten. Yes, my dreams have come true.

Her name is Meiko and she likes to cuddle, hold hands, sneeze and have a raccoon tail. The pictures from my blackberry do not do her justice. She is the most adorable kitten ever created. We are in the process of making her a myspace, don't worry I will link it as soon as we are done. <3

the moon is stuck in the ceiling, we're swimming through ghosts

2009-01-29T15:54:00.000-08:00

For no reason, last night I went to Idaho with Dave. We drove through foggy country streets and stopped when we saw a sign for the site of the Bear River Massacre. We stopped to see the stars and when we got out the sky was alive and glowing with so many stars that we were mesmerized.

We heard howling and beeps in the black distance. We heard drums and music and stared harder into the night. Back in the car we stared reading the plaque, glowing from my headlights.

"This is the sight where hundreds of Shoshone were killed."

We stopped there. We reversed and flew back down the road in the direction we had come. Patches of fog rolled over the silent street in the middle of nowhere. We turned on Radical Face and waited until we were far away to speak.

Then we wondered and laughed and drove and got lost and I did my homework at 3 a.m.

<3 adventures.

life lessons pt. 2

2009-01-22T21:40:00.000-08:00

I hate when people put cryptic messages on their facebook statuses directed at their signnifigant others.

Yes, we know that "Sometimes a girl just wants a boy that will listen and put her first" is referring to your relationship. and it is awkward.

Someday I will know how to write about feelings again, until then that is what I have to say.

trying...

2009-01-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

Today is hilarious. Hilarious because I struggle so bad at school that I waited till this morning to add classes. All options were full. After walking into several packed classes and sheepishly commenting about how there was no room and backing out with a mumbled "sorry", I am now in an asian studies class. Which I am late for because I am writing this blog. Maybe it doesn't sound hilarious... More later.

not all who wander are lost

2009-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

I am hoping that by tomorrow, when school starts, I have to motivation to do something/anything. I have been lounging in my bed all afternoon and when my mom called, I didn't answer because the thought of telling her I have done absolutely nothing was annoying.

Back in Logan, life is slow. I miss plans a little bit. I only took one picture on New Year's, it was a nice a night though. I think I was in the most perfect place when the clock hit midnight. Overlooking the whole valley and watching fireworks and more fireworks. Also I was wearing tiger print tights. Happy New Year.

That is the previously mentioned singular picture, myspace style because it was just us. When I presses my forehead to glass at midnight and let the thoughts about next year run through my head I was glad.

I don't even have all my classes yet. I wonder why I am not graduating on time. Despite all of this, I am so happy with life's direction.

lolin @ the b-store

2008-12-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I work at the bookstore. Usually it is a good time because in the bookstore, lives Hannah who fills my life with joy. Here is a little example of our days working together. Written by Hannah, stolen by me.

Amanda came back to the Bookstore to help me out with some Athletic Books stuff, so needless to say, the days are a bit more...entertaining (except today when I was ornery).

"K, you tell me who the author is, and I'll shelve it (under the corresponding letter)," I told her.
"Ok, P," she says, spitting on me.
"Oh, thanks for enunciating that," I reply as we go on shelving books.

author...shelf...
author...shelf...

"GOD, as in GOD," Amanda told me as I shelved the previous book.
"What? God wrote a book?"
"Yeah, uh, hello?" She replies, waving a copy of the Holy Bible at me (used for a humanities class).
I am now laughing uncontrollably at this point, "That is not under God, it's under the publisher, Zondervan," I managed to wheeze out.
"Oh no, no, Hannah, you know GOD wrote it. Put it under 'G'," she command as I proceed to put it under "Z".

I'm now laughing so hard because she was actually serious, so I run into the office to record this little conversation on the Ramen Board. I then come back to the shelf, where Amanda is still working away, and find those Holy Bibles shelved under "G".

The end.

srsly loling

2008-12-03T21:42:00.001-08:00

here are some funny interweb thingz.

1.

l-o-l

2.

silly cats

3.

I would like to say this is not what I do all day, but it is. If finding amusing pictures online was a class, I would be getting an A. However, it is not and I am not. h8 school.

"If Pitchfork could review my life I wonder what they would give me.Probably a five. I am just seraching for authenticity."

you wear the moon like a halo, you wear the night like it's your coat

2008-11-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

I hate blogging without pictures, because that's all anyone really wants to look at, but if I did have a picture it would be of a tornado. Because that is my life.

I am sitting in the student center, furiously trying to writing a media law paper, my eyes welling up with tears partially because Radical Face is so beautiful right now and partially because I honestly have no idea if I can finish this paper in an hour. I am praying that the words I am typing are making sense and I am trying to pin down the thousand other thoughts swirling around my head to clear some room for all things legal.

8 tabs are open in my Internet browser, 7 of them are law cases, 6 hours is approximately how much time I spent yesterday reading them, 5 more songs until Radical Face is done and I promised myself I could continue the paper, 4 hours of restless sleep, 3 more classes until I can go home, 2 assignments to print out before I run to my next class... all for 1 silly college degree.

I wonder if I will be alright.

okay p.s. pictures later?

my tooth hurts

2008-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Oh man.
I took a weekday trip down to SLC town on Weds. to see Neva Dinova and it was quite nice. Dave and I mostly sat outside, since it was at Kilby, and talked over the music...but it was a lovely backdrop for conversation. We definitely did not miss "Dances Fantastic" though, it was so magical to hear live. I wish I had pictures.

Then on Thurs. I had to get a root canal. I was terrified. I nearly go into panic attacks when I have to get a cavity filled, so basically I was on the verge of a breakdown as I arrived at the dentists office. I HATE anything to do with my teeth, loud noises, pain, needles and keeping my mouth open for long periods of time. This involved all that and more. I made both my mom and Billy come for moral support... It was a very unpleasant experience and, as shrapnel from my (former) tooth flew at me, I decided I would rather die than ever do it again.

Friday...well Friday was Friday. I was on a lot of painkillers due to said tooth and missed class, slept all day, got behind and pretty much don't remember anything.

and Sat. was a glorious mini photo with Hannah...I love miniatures. So we took pictures of them. Mmmmmhmmmmm, I will steal some pictures from Hannah as soon as she puts them on Facebook, don't worry.

So there you go, a little recap cause I have nothing else to write about.

This weekend.

2008-10-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

Live deliberate, but live dangerous.
One reckless moment makes everything more vivid. Watching clouds roll in from downtown balconies, eating burritos at 4 a.m., dirty hair and anticipation, hugs from my little brothers, playing in the rain, crying so hard and laughing so wildly...but either way feeling present, mix c.d.'s with perfect beautiful songs that I could curl up and live inside. It was all so nice. All so real.

I just think that you dance good.

I almost forgot it was twilight

2008-09-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

Why does blogging always seem best at 1:22 a.m. and, in a romantic fashion, my computer coyly smiles and the idea of typing away in the dark seems magical.

I have nothing to say, I lay in the dark listening to Elliott Smith and tell myself that, but the only other option is to wait until someone texts me...

Unfortunately, that is a much worse idea than blogging because late night conversations in my life are usually about things better left unsaid. Everyone is a little more daring in the dark, miles away and half-asleep.Anyway, I want this bed and a nature soundtrack- as I am convinced this is the only way to beat insomnia.

Goodnight.

EDIT- sure enough right when I finished the texts came. because everyone wants to know.

We go out in stormy weather, we rarely practice discern

2008-09-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

It's such a good, cloudy day today. I skipped class and sat on the patio of the student center listening to okkervil river and jose gonzalez and it was nice.

Also, taking phone pictures has become my new favorite hobby. Yesterday I saw a woman driving while brushing her teeth and having extreme amounts of road rage. I was so concerned with taking a picture of her that I could not even focus on driving... unfortunately she took a sharp right just as I located my phone so no visuals accompany that story.

but for now we are young, let us lie in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see

2008-09-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

I personally am a big fan of picture posts soooooooo here is one about a few of my favorite things at the moment:

Andy Warhol-esque photobooth pictures

Incense and the pretty holder I bought at a hippie store.

This represents naps in my lovely bed.

This magical journal from the free trade store. It is made of real leaves.

Pretty new guitar and playing "you remind me of home" on it.

and finally, the hammock in my backyard which is perfect for the dwindling sunny days.

That is what I did basically all day today, well plus I watched Gossip Girl, but that hardly seems like the sort of thing to tell people about. I also locked my keys in my car (thank you AAA), drank lots of mt. dew and possibly failed a quiz in media law but I unfortunately don't have pictures of those events...

peace out.

who knew...

2008-09-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a ridiculously good day and it inspired me to start blogging regularly so I can remember how good life is most of the time.

Billy came up and we began our new friendship...awkward, maybe, but it was the most fun we have had in a really long time.

We went antiquing and then to a fair trade gift shop with little trinkets from all over the world. I love it so much. Thennnnn we went to pet kitties at Petsmart, but the door was locked to the cat room so that was a downer.

After that, we both felt it was a good idea to ride the bus to the grocery store (which is like 30 seconds away), so we get on the bus, start driving and after about 15 minutes of going the OPPOSITE direction of where we need to be the bus driver informed us that it was the last stop of the night.

So we walked for about an hour back to my house... and then cooked a delicious dinner.

The day also included playing the guitar, laying in the hammock in the sunshine, the annual mall visit and Formosa... it was so perfect.

Waiting for the Logan bus for half an hour provided us with a lot of photoshoot time...Also, that is my new neighborhood in the background.

Although I am still not fond of Logan, my eyes are open to the fun that can be had and I appreciate it a little bit more.

what was once inside you dreaming

2008-09-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

If this weekend had a theme it would be fall.

As in, it is Fall. The rain pummeled down as we sat on a balcony downtown and watched the trash blow across the sky and when it was over, snow capped the mountains. So I guess maybe Fall was skipped altogether.

Also as in my mom fell and broke her rib while my family was camping. I feel so bad for her, I wish I could stay down there and help. I had a feeling something bad had happened. but they didn't have cell service so I waited all night until I found out. Poor mommy.

Falling in love with classy dinner parties, which Ali had for her birfday. It was a good time. Pinatas, croquet, fancy dresses.

I guess falling out of love as well, Billy and I decided to have a break up of sorts. Who knows how smart it is to keep being friends, but maybe selfishly I don't want to lose a best friend. It was basically just too hard to keep dating long distance and with all the baggage that has built up. Maybe falling out of love is the wrong term, mostly we are just falling out of a relationship.

And there you have it.

goodbye, summer

2008-08-24T22:05:00.001-07:00

Hey man.

Sometimes I lose contact with friends that I really truly care about for months at a time. When it's 11:07 on a Sunday night I realize I forgot to call them and wish I could drive to their houses, pick them up and go fast down rural roads where 80 miles per hour is fast enough to outrun your problems.

School starts tomorrow and it's strange because I am the type of girl who plans her outfits out the day before and buys too many new school supplies, but this year I don't even have a notebook and I will probably stick to wearing my summer v-neck and shorts uniform to school. Thinking about it now I wonder why I am not more excited... Mostly I am hoping my lack of excitement is not due to growing up.

I wish Billy would get a blog so he could read my thoughts rather than me having to speak them. I think this is another thing that is affected by growing up. It's hard to tell stories any more because it's hard to believe that people are really listening instead of making to-do lists in their head of appropriate responses.

Being away from home again has thrown me into some sort of adult obsessed attitude, I appreciate sitting on the couch eating cereal with vanilla soy milk while the sun streams in the window and silence is still golden. That's who I am as a grown up. I guess? I guess.

Responsibility starts tomorrow.