Heh, Cats

It's cool to have a "thing" so that when people ask you what you've been doing lately/why you look so tired and disheveled/how you fill the endless void of time that stretches out before you, you can be like, "Yeah, I've just been really busy volunteering/having kids/training for a marathon."

I have spent many hours pondering what my thing could be. Not volunteering because I don't like committing to a plan more than an hour in advance. Not having kids because I live in a studio apartment and what are boys? Not training for a marathon because gross.

So...it's cats! Just like everyone else on the Internet, only I don't even own one! Reasons I came to this conclusion:

Exhibit A: Yeah, sure, I enjoy a good cat picture. But so does everyone.

Exhibit B: And this? This is just hilarious. No one WOULDN'T enjoy/identify with I Love Cats magazine.

Exhibit C: Fine, whatever, I own ONE cat dress and one cat tank top and I would buy this for my collection in a heartbeat? So?

Exhibit D: A gentle warning from a friend, that's all. let's just keep moving along. It's a JOKE GUYS.

Exhibit E: "Saw this, thought of you." Oh. :(

All of this is not to say I don't want an almost continue flood of cat posts on my Facebook wall, because I do. Keep them coming. Have a great Tuesday.

List Blogging Continued

The worst thing is finding a note on your phone called “25 before 26” a month before your birthday. In typical fashion I got to number 6. And it’s still not a good situation. 

1. Learn how to play the accordion. Yeah, no. What. Why. I'm quirky.

2. Stop making the same stupid tilted-head face in every picture. This one actually worked out well for me because instead of trying to make cute-but-not-really faces I just embraced ugly faces and now these pictures are on the internet:

3. Get a tattoo (sorry dad). Did not, will not, can’t even commit to what I'm going to do after work. You're welcome, dad.

4. Rent a car. That sounds fun, self! After that we can write a check and go to the post office! 

5. See The Antlers. I was real close to purchasing that ticket to New York. 

6. Learn how to make curry. Feasibly I COULD do this in the next month. I could. 

In conclusion, the theme for the rest of my life is, "Goals: Why Bother?" 

Also, "Fashion Buns: PLEASE STOP THAT IS SO UNFLATTERING"

Things About Me That You Totally Want to Know

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I feel like blogging, so I’m going to start the yearly blog post off right with something self-indulgent in a list format. 

First, I like to look at posts where people meticulously go over their possessions. Tell me where you got that rug! Let know know what's in your bag, PLEASE!  Really, I do like them. So much that sometimes I think about doing my own. there is a major discrepancy, however, when I actually sit down to write them.

What I thought would be in my purse as an almost 26-year-old woman:

• Keys to my condo/loft in the city where I live with my thriving plant collection and a cat.

• Moleskin notebooks where I write down my thoughts and musings. A separate one for grocery lists!

• Fancy headphones neatly stowed away in a pouch.

• Lots of cash because I’m successful and RICH!!!! So rich!

What is really in my purse:

1. A ripped dollar bill that keeps tricking me but I won't throw away because is that illegal? 
2. Dessert gum because I read on a blog that it tooootally satiates sugar craving and tastes just like real dessert and if you chew it you will be so skinny and bikini ready! It tastes like plastic sprinkled with lemon flavoring and even that only lasts like three seconds.
3. Subway cards. So many Subway cards. I don't remember ever going to Subway.
4. Enough red lipstick to supply every single Marilyn Monroe impersonator should the lipstick industry ever go under.
5. A ticket to Monster Jam.
6. A fishing game, sans one fish because someone got a little rowdy last night after the Toro Y Moi show.

At least my Photoshop skills have never been better! Don't look too closely! 

For the fans

Ughhhhhh everyone has been asking me to update the ol' blog almost constantly, so here you go. YOU VULTURES.




(sent March 27, stop hounding me PLEASE)

What do you want? Pictures of people driving? Fine. I have those.




Weird pictures of unhealthy food on my lap? You guys, just chill out, I have plenty to go around.




(clockwise from left: McDonald's, burritos, wings, French pastries)
Yeah, I know, where's the pizza? I'm saving that post so, seriously, calm down.

Every cat picture I have on my phone? I'm sorry, I don't have ten hours to scroll through them all but fiiiiiiiine here's a taste.



(the middle one might not be a cat.)

So there you go, my heart and soul poured out on the pages of this blog. Love you guys.

On Repeat

I need someone else to look into my eyes and tell me girl you know you gotta watch your health.

Secrets

I feel so much fake internet pressure to write a blog post in 2012. The first one, I would whisper to myself in the glow of the computer screen, has to dazzle them.

After sifting through topics in my mind (Cats? Probably need to take it easy with cat-related Internet sharing. Food? But which picture of Taco Bell feasts I've enjoyed would I choose. Clothes? Nobody cares about your sequin shirt collection) I guess I'll just settle for sharing my secrets. People like that right? Really personal and uncomfortably awkward confessions to anonymous people across the Internet?

Okay so first, I watch New Girl like every week. I'm working on my Zooey look.

Nailed it.

Next, I am kind of into online poker.

See the discarded takeout boxes? See the pile of tissues? See the dim lighting to set the mood? That is what five hours of online poker with fake money looks like.

This feels good. So I'm going to end this post with a big one-- I am the inventor of the Butter Straw. It seriously sucks when you get popcorn at the movie theater and you only get 2-3 inches of solid butter congealed on top, right? Just stick a straw in there and pour to your hearts content.

Special thanks to Erica for hand modeling/inspiring this creation.

 Special bonus photo of a food item I saw on a shelf and took a picture of:

Just some Instagrams, NBD

So… you want a story? Sorry, I am seriously out of stories because rather than face my life I watch 90s teen dramas for hours at a time. Every night.

In attempt to kick start the writing part of my mind, though, I began brainstorming blog posts. This means copying other blog posts I’ve seen. What is more highly copied than the the instagram weekend post? NOTHING. I’ve taken some liberties here, i.e. this is isn’t actually an adorable collection from this weekend. It’s more like the past nine months and it’s not as endearing at all.

What what! Put your hands in the air, it’s about to get 2 cute 2 handle in here!

This is a heart made out of Chinese food. Professional bloggers, step aside.

I went to a concert and the whole time I took pictures of the lights. I'm really into music lately.

And then there was the time I birthed a baby deer at Bear World.

Even homeless people look better when you instagram them! (Please note: S.S. Hobo) 

I don't even know who this cat belongs to! I found it in the hallway and trapped it in my house for awhile, don't mind the frightened look on it's face.

Grilled cheese with macaroni and cheese inside. I look at this when I eat pizza to feel healthy.