Just some Instagrams, NBD

So… you want a story? Sorry, I am seriously out of stories because rather than face my life I watch 90s teen dramas for hours at a time. Every night.

In attempt to kick start the writing part of my mind, though, I began brainstorming blog posts. This means copying other blog posts I’ve seen. What is more highly copied than the the instagram weekend post? NOTHING. I’ve taken some liberties here, i.e. this is isn’t actually an adorable collection from this weekend. It’s more like the past nine months and it’s not as endearing at all.

What what! Put your hands in the air, it’s about to get 2 cute 2 handle in here!

This is a heart made out of Chinese food. Professional bloggers, step aside.

I went to a concert and the whole time I took pictures of the lights. I'm really into music lately.

And then there was the time I birthed a baby deer at Bear World.

Even homeless people look better when you instagram them! (Please note: S.S. Hobo) 

I don't even know who this cat belongs to! I found it in the hallway and trapped it in my house for awhile, don't mind the frightened look on it's face.

Grilled cheese with macaroni and cheese inside. I look at this when I eat pizza to feel healthy.

California Dreamin'

 California was beautiful. I miss it all the time. The weather, the ocean, the colors...the Panera Bread.

My parents helped me try to find/marry Ryan Gosling and fed me and let me visit every H&M. I highly recommend vacations with you parents.

let's bond over mutual hatred

Do you have a Pinterest? Do you hate how every single person captions their pictures as a personal question? Then I have the blog for you:


http://unsolicitedpinterestadvice.tumblr.com/

Nobody judge me for being an internet bully. Or for making like 100 new Tumblrs a day. If someone ever heavily Google searched me they would find a blog devoted to a cat picture, a blog making fun of a fashion blogger, a blog about music circa 2006 and a married blog by Deven and I. Follow through is not my strong suit.

So Sentimental

So this should really come as no surprise, but I got a goldfish. I can never stay away. It was won for me at a carnival last night and it has really caused me to re-evaluate how quickly I get attached to things.


Captain’s Log:

8/18/11

10:30 p.m.

Internal dialogue: That game where you throw ping pong balls in a jar looks fun. Oh, the prize is goldfish you say? Well, you know my weakness man without teeth.

10:31 p.m.

Me: The fish is mine!!!!!! All mine!!!!

Carnival worker: Would you like to buy a fish tank and food for $7?

Internal dialogue: What am I doing. Fish need a place to live. Fish need food. Fish need a weird amount of oxygen in their tank. Fish are needy. Abandon ship.

Me: I think…I…Have one at home.

Internal dialogue: LIAR.

10:40 p.m.

Internal dialogue: I’m just going to flush this fish when I get home.

11:50 p.m.

Internal dialogue: What was I thinking?? I love this fish! He is like a child to me! What if he dies? I’ll never love again. This fish is symbolic, this fish MEANS something to me.

8/19/11

The fish is currently residing in a plastic pitcher on my counter next to a fresh bottle of fish food purchased in the early hours of the morning.

WHYYYYYYYYYY.

Getting Stabby

For work I wrote a blog about Kim Kardashian and linked it to our Facebook. The following is why I hate the internet:

Express your opinion, girlfriend, all I ask is that you please PLEASE stop with the unnecessary quotation marks.

Still, how can I hate something that brings me all of these treasures:

Parks and Recreation. Thanks to Netflix I will watch you every day until I die.

Trend Alert

Hey, have you guys seen the latest trend?





Cell phone hands!! Okay. They’re not a thing yet and I actually found these photos on a fashion blog that called them a “don’t” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I get my hands on one (because then jokes like that never have to stop! Ever!)

Put a ring on it!

When are these hitting the Apple store? Because I'm single and I could really use a fake hand to hold.

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

Business Time

While browsing LinkedIn today, I noticed everyone has really professional portraits on their profiles. Always behind on the trends of the business world, I still have a little gray figure as my icon and clearly this makes me look really unprofessional.  

The real question I have is how do you go about getting a photo like this of yourself?

 Do you go to a studio and explain that you need some professional looking pictures? Is it required that you wear a pantsuit? Because I don't own one of those. The best I can do is a pencil skirt and a blazer that I got at a thrift store thinking I would totally wear it and I never did. Also, is it better to stare into the camera, challenging potential employers to find someone better than you at business things or to smile softly, letting your eyes convey that you're a team player? Because I've seen both and they are equally as powerful. 

For poses, I was thinking of either having a newspaper tucked under my arm to convey that I graduated in journalism or holding up a keyboard next to my face to show that I understand new media. What do you think?

Bacon+Bears

I'm really breaking months of blog silence to post a picture that was made possible by this site  and this site.

Pie Hole

 I feel like a copycat with the photo/song format, but this is all that's rattling around in my head. Pizza and Cults. 

 

Oh, and also I got excited when I saw a kitten in the clouds this morning while driving to work.

Yeah, enjoy

If anyone were to track the things I Google on a daily basis…it would not be much weirder than anyone else's Google searches. Right?

A sampling of today's inquiries:

Bowl cuts for women

The history of Swiss watches

What are those things called that you use to hang glasses around your neck?

Pederast

Words ending in "doux"

Olivia Palermo 

Shiba Inu puppy cam

Island made of an upside down rock pictures 

 And so concludes the most worthless thing I have ever spent ten minutes on. That's a lie.

Why I can't eat healthy

Fair warning, I use the word salad A LOT in this post and after reading it you probably will feel like it's not a real word anymore.

All day long I have been thinking about the salad I am going to make for dinner. I hated any form of lettuce/spinach/green leafy things until approximately four months ago, but I am going to continue appreciating this new-found salad love until it vanishes as quickly as it came. So, this is the glorious salad I was going to prepare:

Totally amped on the realization I was craving a salad, I started taking it too far (as I am prone to doing). All the sudden I had the next five meals of my life planned out and they all involved some kind of spinach and fruit concoction that I found on fancy food blogs. It had been a long day at work and the thought kept me going for the better part of eight hours. If that sounds pathetic, then I have described it properly.

Internal instances that occurred:
"This project is hard…but I want to eat healthy! I'm a superhero! I can do anything!"

"My neck hurts from looking at a computer screen with my head tilted in bewilderment all day…but as soon I eat those salad meals I am going to feel invincible!"

"EXCEL SPREADHSEET! I would kill you…..but then I wouldn't feel so peaceful as I eat my delicious salad dinner."

Then I got an email.
"Hey…want to get pizza for dinner tonight?"

Seriously? Of course I want to get pizza tonight.

*salad from here