A blog so long it's embarassing

So some stuff has happened. I have a new job in the marketing department at Overstock.com. I have a new studio apartment in the downtown department of Utah. That's not what this blog post is about.

This is about animal companionship. I think I'm ready for a pet fish again. Let's play some dreamy background music and take a step back in time to look at my fish past…

2004: I got a plastic fish in a vending machine. It was really great. It had rubbery fins and I liked to keep it in the cup holder of my car. This is what inspired me to want a real fish.

2005: As a super special birthday present I got two goldfish named Kanye and Gup-gup, complete with a purple aquarium. It was the only pet allowed in our dorm room and you better believe we loved those little fish like they were capable of knowing what affection was. I even tried to pet them with my finger on MULTIPLE occasions (every single day). Once I succeeded and it was gross.

Also 2005: A few weeks after acquiring the fish, things started to get sketchy. Gup-gup and Kanye were OBSESSED with sticking their noses above the water and as a result developed strange growths on them. At the time I attributed it to all the finger petting. Also they started swimming upside down like they were one step away from death. So I went to Petsmart where the fish specialist told me that goldfish need oxygen pumped in. Who knew? I had so much to learn about fish mothering.

Again, 2005: Aaaaaaand a few weeks later Gup-gup, apparently traumatized by the lack of oxygen, succumbed to her weird nose growths and died. I always dreamed of Gup-gup and Kanye having a joint funeral, and since it looked like Kanye was also on his death bed my mom lovingly wrapped her corpse in tin foil and wrote "Here lies Gup-gup, she was a good fish" on top. I then put her in the garage freezer to wait until I could hold a proper fish burial.

2006: Kanye makes a miraculous recovery thanks to his new oxygen pump. I would later learn, after accidentally leaving him alone for a week unfed, that Kanye has developed a super-human resistance to death. I'm not proud of this, but once I didn't clean the tank for awhile and there was a slimy green layer so thick you could not see him through it. But did he die? No no no, he just tried to clean his aquarium himself by eating that disgusting green slime. A real testament to his character.

Late 2006: Things took a turn for the worse when Kanye attempted suicide. Every time I cleaned his tank, I had to transport him to a small bowl. Usually this was pretty seamless. This time it was not. As I was herding him into the bowl, he deliberately veered to the right and took a dive onto the floor below. I panicked as his little body flopped around before deftly scooping him and saving his life like the hero I am.

2007: Things were not looking good for Kanye. At this point he has survived several hardships. A very awkward ride from Logan to Salt Lake in a plastic bag on my lap. Things of that nature. He held on though, much to everyone's surprise, and moved to Oakridge with me. I didn't know it yet, but this would be his final resting place.

Early 2008: Okay, to be honest, I was really sick of caring for the super human fish and sort of forgot about him. That is until my roommate got Beta fish. We put the two bowls next to each other and would watch, delighted, as the Beta's rammed against the fish bowl trying to attack Kanye. This lasted until my roommate overfed her Beta fish and they died from gluttony. I am not making this up.

Mid-2008: Kanye was never the same after that. He started swimming very slowly and floating to the surface of his bowl despite desperate attempts to paddle those little fins. I knew his time was getting near. One day I checked on him to find a strange growth coming from his little fish butt. It appeared as though his intestines were literally coming out of him. A few weeks later, I got the text "I think Kanye might be dead." Indeed, he was, and the heartbreak was too much to bear, so I covered his tank with paper towels and mourned. And mourned. And mourned. And forgot about him. And then was too grossed out to look under the paper towel. Finally Deven flushed him down the toilet as I read a eulogy.

Pretty sure Gup-gup is still in my parent's freezer.

Anyway, writing this novel of a blog post actually completely discouraged me from getting a pet.

Soooooo, what's up everyone?

List

Places to take Holga:

1. A carnival
2. Hot springs
3. California
4. Building roof

Things to buy:

1. Proper fitting oxfords
2. Satchel bag
3. Cynthia Rowley Band-Aids
4. A simple necklace 
5. Lace-up boots 

Need to do:

1. Figure out why my eye was bleeding last night
2. Paint my nails

Music to listen to:

1. New Sufjan
2. All of Best Coast
3. Madder Red

No, I don't think I spend too much time on the internet...Why? Do you?

Stalking nature

Once, while driving, I spotted a literal herd of deer in a cemetery by the city. I could not say 'no' to creepin' on them and playing deer paparazzi.

I made a life altering discovery and have decided I want to be buried in my own fancy tomb.

Haunting, right?

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me. I got shockingly close to the deer after this was take, but got all scared that they would attack on hind legs and smack me with their hoofs.

oooh baby I love your way

Take a little look through the recent pictures I have taken and you will see that I am clearly obsessed with alison donna [redacted for people that really are creeps and not just pseudo-creeps like me].

Who is this enchanting girl? Let me show you.

If I was a better photographer, this would have been an epic Godzilla picture.

Again, I am really great at pictures. Ali as a ghost.

This is her boyfriend, what's-his-name. Whatever, not important, back to alison.

 Practically a saint in that photo.


Oh, and as a side note,  I also have a boyfriend...I think he was at the show that night. I was too busy taking pictures of alison to notice.

Television, My True Love

The Tim Gunn Show Project Runway is back on tonight and that means one more season of me talking non-stop about how Tim Gunn is the best/most hilarious/classiest mentor/human/host (sigh, he's a man of so many talents) for 90 minutes each week.

When Tim Gunn is the screen I'm full of love and wonder, caught in a fantasy world where Tim Gunn is my life mentor, patting me on the shoulder and telling me to make it work or making a frowny face at my outfit choice (Tim, I seriously didn't have time to get ready today) When Tim Gunn is not on the screen I'm waiting for him to come back and spout out something profound about fabric choices and draping.

Ha ha, oh Tim.

An offer

I was thinking about how when I was little my favorite books were about ponies. Then, inevitably, I thought about what a good band name Pony Club Secrets was ( or even The Pony Club if we were venturing into copyright infringement territory). I even MySpaced it to see if it was taken and it was not.

Album cover?

So I guess that means our first album will be titled "Angel and the Flying Stallions." I'm okay with that. In fact, think how many band names could spring from that alone. The Flying Stallions.

Right, I know I don't play any instruments and I sing in a fake voice ONLY, so here is my offer- someone with talent contact me and I will let you use my idea in exchange for money and a part in the band where all I have to do is fake play piano (because no one can really see what you're doing with your fingers.)

In our band's spare time I would like if we could thrift for matching stage costumes and reupholster furniture. 

Ha ha ha just kidding. (No, I'm not. Please someone help me all I can ever be in life is a traveling fake musician.)

Other books I loved that can potentially be band names:

The Silver Slippers, Walk Two Moons or If You Only Knew anyone?

Doing stuff, listening to indie rock

Last night was craft night. It was lots of wandering around Michael's and picking things up and putting them down and thrift stores and this picture:

We made magic corpse windows, so that when you look through them you can see what you will look like as a ZOMBIE CORPSE.

Also I half-painted a unicorn picture. Crafts!