For the fans

Ughhhhhh everyone has been asking me to update the ol' blog almost constantly, so here you go. YOU VULTURES.




(sent March 27, stop hounding me PLEASE)

What do you want? Pictures of people driving? Fine. I have those.




Weird pictures of unhealthy food on my lap? You guys, just chill out, I have plenty to go around.




(clockwise from left: McDonald's, burritos, wings, French pastries)
Yeah, I know, where's the pizza? I'm saving that post so, seriously, calm down.

Every cat picture I have on my phone? I'm sorry, I don't have ten hours to scroll through them all but fiiiiiiiine here's a taste.



(the middle one might not be a cat.)

So there you go, my heart and soul poured out on the pages of this blog. Love you guys.

On Repeat

I need someone else to look into my eyes and tell me girl you know you gotta watch your health.

Secrets

I feel so much fake internet pressure to write a blog post in 2012. The first one, I would whisper to myself in the glow of the computer screen, has to dazzle them.

After sifting through topics in my mind (Cats? Probably need to take it easy with cat-related Internet sharing. Food? But which picture of Taco Bell feasts I've enjoyed would I choose. Clothes? Nobody cares about your sequin shirt collection) I guess I'll just settle for sharing my secrets. People like that right? Really personal and uncomfortably awkward confessions to anonymous people across the Internet?

Okay so first, I watch New Girl like every week. I'm working on my Zooey look.

Nailed it.

Next, I am kind of into online poker.

See the discarded takeout boxes? See the pile of tissues? See the dim lighting to set the mood? That is what five hours of online poker with fake money looks like.

This feels good. So I'm going to end this post with a big one-- I am the inventor of the Butter Straw. It seriously sucks when you get popcorn at the movie theater and you only get 2-3 inches of solid butter congealed on top, right? Just stick a straw in there and pour to your hearts content.

Special thanks to Erica for hand modeling/inspiring this creation.

 Special bonus photo of a food item I saw on a shelf and took a picture of:

Just some Instagrams, NBD

So… you want a story? Sorry, I am seriously out of stories because rather than face my life I watch 90s teen dramas for hours at a time. Every night.

In attempt to kick start the writing part of my mind, though, I began brainstorming blog posts. This means copying other blog posts I’ve seen. What is more highly copied than the the instagram weekend post? NOTHING. I’ve taken some liberties here, i.e. this is isn’t actually an adorable collection from this weekend. It’s more like the past nine months and it’s not as endearing at all.

What what! Put your hands in the air, it’s about to get 2 cute 2 handle in here!

This is a heart made out of Chinese food. Professional bloggers, step aside.

I went to a concert and the whole time I took pictures of the lights. I'm really into music lately.

And then there was the time I birthed a baby deer at Bear World.

Even homeless people look better when you instagram them! (Please note: S.S. Hobo) 

I don't even know who this cat belongs to! I found it in the hallway and trapped it in my house for awhile, don't mind the frightened look on it's face.

Grilled cheese with macaroni and cheese inside. I look at this when I eat pizza to feel healthy.

California Dreamin'

 California was beautiful. I miss it all the time. The weather, the ocean, the colors...the Panera Bread.

My parents helped me try to find/marry Ryan Gosling and fed me and let me visit every H&M. I highly recommend vacations with you parents.

let's bond over mutual hatred

Do you have a Pinterest? Do you hate how every single person captions their pictures as a personal question? Then I have the blog for you:


http://unsolicitedpinterestadvice.tumblr.com/

Nobody judge me for being an internet bully. Or for making like 100 new Tumblrs a day. If someone ever heavily Google searched me they would find a blog devoted to a cat picture, a blog making fun of a fashion blogger, a blog about music circa 2006 and a married blog by Deven and I. Follow through is not my strong suit.

So Sentimental

So this should really come as no surprise, but I got a goldfish. I can never stay away. It was won for me at a carnival last night and it has really caused me to re-evaluate how quickly I get attached to things.


Captain’s Log:

8/18/11

10:30 p.m.

Internal dialogue: That game where you throw ping pong balls in a jar looks fun. Oh, the prize is goldfish you say? Well, you know my weakness man without teeth.

10:31 p.m.

Me: The fish is mine!!!!!! All mine!!!!

Carnival worker: Would you like to buy a fish tank and food for $7?

Internal dialogue: What am I doing. Fish need a place to live. Fish need food. Fish need a weird amount of oxygen in their tank. Fish are needy. Abandon ship.

Me: I think…I…Have one at home.

Internal dialogue: LIAR.

10:40 p.m.

Internal dialogue: I’m just going to flush this fish when I get home.

11:50 p.m.

Internal dialogue: What was I thinking?? I love this fish! He is like a child to me! What if he dies? I’ll never love again. This fish is symbolic, this fish MEANS something to me.

8/19/11

The fish is currently residing in a plastic pitcher on my counter next to a fresh bottle of fish food purchased in the early hours of the morning.

WHYYYYYYYYYY.